This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
