Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
