So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
