38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I sprained my soul last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
