I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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