my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
