Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As shirtless as possible
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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