i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
