I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
