she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
