you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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