If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
