I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"