i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
