Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.