so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
