you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.