I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.