Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
3 2 1 whiskey
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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