I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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