david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
