This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
