I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
