Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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