i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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