I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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