So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
