Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?

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(574): View more from Indiana

First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.

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(812): View more from Indiana

She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...

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(831): View more from California

When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.

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