Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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