I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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