I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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