Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
