I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
