Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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