dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
