apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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