i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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