too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
