sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
