wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
