why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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