Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize