Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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