I hate your face
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
