we're blogging at a bar
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
