That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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