Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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