Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
