I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
