Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
