I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The power of my boobs compel you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
