Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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