god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
