I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
