I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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