I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize