party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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