DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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