Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
