Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
