So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
