I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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