next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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