Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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