the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
