my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In other news, I just burned my penis
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
