My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
