Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
