just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
