I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
