i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Life is so much better after having sex.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
