im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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