But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
