my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
