Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
