I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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