Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
