So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
