She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
