That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
