I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
