so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I checked into jail on foursquare
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
